Finding Your Way After a Breakup
Updated: Dec 26, 2022
Ever since the separation between me and my partner, I have realized I've been stepping outside of my little bubble of comfort, by choice and by good influence. Some things for me that are outside that bubble of comfort are: Going places alone, doing certain activities alone, wearing certain outfits/hairstyles, and approaching people in social settings.
After being in a 3-year relationship, you get used to a little routine and the comfort of having one. I used to always have him tag along and help make me feel confident and comfortable in situations that gave me anxiety. But since the separation and moving to Arizona, I have found myself doing everything I feared while thriving and enjoying it. At first, it did give me an upset and anxious stomach, and still sometimes does. When that happens, I try to step out of my head and embrace the time spent with myself and look at it as a gift and a blessing.
Some of the things I have been doing alone are:
Going to a movie
Going out and listening to music at small cafes or breweries
Grabbing coffee at a coffee shop
Walking around downtown and exploring the shops
Getting a bite to eat
I never would have done these things alone before the separation. I would have insisted he come or desperately tried to find a friend to tag along with me. If no one could come or he didn't want to, I would decide against going--all in all--causing me to miss out on life and new experiences.
I have been truly embracing the concept of taking myself on dates, sitting in the aloneness, and not missing out on anything just because I would have to do it alone. I have also started stepping out of my bubble by wearing outfits that I didn't have the confidence to wear without him by my side helping me feel confident and comfortable. It made me anxious thinking about how they fit or make my body look and the looks I might get. But to my surprise, I have felt confident and have received lots of compliments while out and about.
Half of stepping out of your comfort zone has to do with stepping outside of your monologue and just remembering everyone else is only human as well. We all get in our way and set these expectations or build these walls that don't allow us to truly live to the fullest. I am not an expert or pro at stepping out of my way, but I have been working on it. Some of the ways I have been working on it are by:
Reminding myself, "if I won't be worried about it the next week, then why worry about it now?"
Telling myself, "I don't need anyone else to make the experience fun other than me."
Observing the people around me and noticing that I am not the only one out alone.
Remembering being alone isn't a bad thing and that everyone at some point goes out alone.
Treating going out alone as a date with myself. What would you do on a date or with a friend? Now do that with yourself.
Bringing a book, journal, or sketchbook to help relieve some of that anxiety.
Doing this has empowered me to find the space of aloneness and appreciate my own company. Start small with a movie alone or just a stroll around a park. Eventually, it will get easier to be alone and for you to enjoy your own presence. It will also help make your adventures and experiences with your friends or family more special and rich with appreciation.
Don't miss out on the joys and adventures of this wonderful life because you have to do it alone. Choosing yourself and your own company will feel empowering and might even be a little healing. I know it has been for me. Go out there and enjoy your own company and remember it will take time and growth and that it's okay to go at your own personal pace.
Happy growth & love -Anna Grace